When God Delays You....

When God delays you, in whatever you are waiting for, the arrangements are being worked out. Period.

So often we are impatient, we want what we want, when we want it. We can experience a host of feelings as a result of this impatience. At times, we get angry with God. Sometimes we beg. At other times, we decide to "check-out", resigning that God has forgotten about us, and the desires of our heart will not be fulfilled. I know these truths all too well because on any given day, while I am waiting for all that I have asked God for, I have felt these feelings.

Don't despair, the arrangements are being made for you, with you, and through you. There was once an illustration I heard that helps me when I become impatient. It was an image of how I perceive my future versus how God sees it. It was presented this way:

"Suppose you were walking down the street, knowing where you wanted to go, and your focus was on which street to take but, knowing that your range of vision is limited, you take it one block at a time, trusting that when the street you need next arrives, you will be able to make the necessary maneuvers".

"Now that you're walking down this street and focused on the path in front of you, suppose now that there is a helicopter above you."

"Although you are aware of which streets you need to take to arrive at your destination, the pilot of the helicopter can see what is currently going on in the places you haven't arrived at. Even though there isn't much communication between you and the pilot, if necessary, should you go down a street that will lead you to a dead end, the pilot will know before you, simply because of its range of vision. If you should continue down that path, somehow the pilot has a way of redirecting you."

We are all walking in this world, sometimes with a map, sometimes without one. We are the lone travelers on this earth, on a journey. God is the pilot of the helicopter, with exact and whole vision, He sees where we're going, what is happening there, and the best route for us to take in order to get there. Sure, He may not always share this information with us, perhaps we wouldn't listen when and if we got it. But trusting that there is a pilot that will re-direct us if we get lost is at the core of understanding our faith. We will travel to dead ends; God will allow us to be delayed. However, we should all know, when God delays us, it is simply so that all the arrangements can be made.

He sees the next move, the destination, and knows your strength. We will not walk longer than we need to, nor will we tire from our walk.

When there is nothing left but hope and faith, remember:

When God delays you, the arrangements are being worked out in us, through us, and for us.

Happily Single!!!!

Last night I stayed out at my sister's crib until one in the morning, having cocktails, and laughing until my side hurt. I came home, read until I was too drowsy to understand the words on the page, then went to sleep.

I woke up this morning to silence in my lil' one bedroom apartment and made some coffee. I am enjoying the sound of the rain through cracked windows. I have a huge sweatshirt on with stretched out sweat pants. My hair is a mess. I haven't brushed my teeth. And there is laundry piled up in my bedroom. The dishes in my sink, well, they can sit there until I feel like washing them. I slept in the nude. And just because of all these things: I am happily single!

I didn't always have this type of contentment. I used to agonize over the loneliness of single living. I compared my life to those around me and envied them. I wanted so badly to boast of the successful husband, the adorable infant, and the beautiful home we built together. These images and fantasies ruled my existence. I lived in constant worry that something was wrong with me. I pleaded with God to bring the right people into my life so I could finally rest in happiness.

Then I realized, happiness is a choice.

I realized that no matter whether or not I find the man of my dreams, have the children I desire to have, or if I never live in the beautiful Victorian with the white picket fence; happiness is always my responsibility and choice. Be happy. Be happy. Be happy. I have begun to desire happiness above all these things. Surprisingly, this when I began to feel happy. When my focus shifted from what I wanted, to what I have, and who I am, happiness has flooded my heart.

Last week was particularly stressful for me. Work, like always, dominated my thoughts. I was pushed to my limit by people, circumstances, and fatigued beyond belief. When I arrived home at the end of a particularly stressful day all I could do was undress, turn off all the lights, and lay in bed decompressing. To some, this may sound sad. For me, it was the exact antidote for the situations I found myself in during the day. While I was relaxing, listening to my thoughts and the sound of cars rushing about outside the window it hit me: If I had a husband, a family, and greater personal responsibilities, that moment, filled with peace and serenity after long hours of stress, would not have been possible. In that moment I exchanged my frequent fantasies for a loving husband with the grattitude that where I was, doing exactly nothing, was where I wanted to be.

I spent the next hour being grateful that there wasn't any dinner to prepare, or clothes to fold. I relished in the reality that my life is ALL MINE! I could lay there in bed, in solitude, for as long as I pleased. I didn't have to explain my feelings, or the day that exhausted me. I was truly able to leave it all behind, and re-charge my battery.

Whether or not my current situation is a permanent one, I don't know. What I do know is I have never been this happy! I am joyfully writing this blog, in the silence of my home. I am content making supper for one. I am thrilled that that towel, over there, hanging on the banister, is mine. I know where I left the coffee filters, and I don't have to worry about who is doing what when. THIS is freedom to me!

I have not closed myself off from a relationship; I will welcome a loving partner with open arms. However, my life is Good. Fabulous. Mine. It is as completely crazy or as simple as I want it to be. When I do become a part of a pair, I will look back on this time as a happy time.

I do not wish to be anywhere else, doing anything else, than what I'm doing now. I am so grateful for this time of learning myself, enjoying myself, and living with myself. There is nothing lonely about personal satisfaction. There is nothing lonely about self-reliance. There is nothing lonely about peace. This is the good stuff life is all about! I am happy: Happily Single!