Just As I Am

I’m Fly. I wish I could upload my world, put it on display for the virtual community to see; there wouldn’t be a critic alive that could say I’m not living my best life, and looking damn good doing it! I have virtues that make me stand out and beauty that makes men and women do double takes. Before you go thinking I am sitting on my couch stroking my ego…let me get to the point. I am also a full-bodied woman. I don’t know if I completely like that label. In fact let’s see…there are a couple others that I’ll try out: “Big Girl” (nah…that doesn’t work…I’m not a girl) “Heavy” (If it’s referring to my thought pattern, then, okay. But heavy…well…that’s not cute) “Plus Size” (hmmm… what size am I a plus too?) “Plump” (I’m not a fruit, even though I am rather sweet!)
My point is that I don’t fit many labels. I am who I am, without hesitation and explanation. Period. For a few seconds, maybe even a minute, I’d like your attention to this topic: why are we so judgmental of a person who does not fit our stereotypes of what a woman “should” physically look like? Specifically, I know, for me, I have been judged and at the mercy of people trying to “help” me because they are sure if I “just lost some weight then you would be the isht!” I haven’t always looked the way I look (my guess is neither do you, since, with age, we all change) and most times I have found that whenever I defend my right to be Just As I Am many assume I am hiding behind an addiction to low self-worth and poor self-maintenance. Not the case.

De-bunking the Myths
For those well intentioned, they may look at me and make the politically correct comment that they “just want to have a woman who is healthy and conscious of her physical well being”. I often giggle at comments like these because I think about how ridiculous it sounds! I mean really, since when have we been able to judge a person’s health by the way they look? Can you see cancer? Does diabetes wear certain clothes? Or better yet, do you know what AIDS looks like? Not so much. In fact, there are many people who would have called Heath Ledger “the picture of health”, that is, until he overdosed on anti-depressants and alcohol. My point is that health and wellness are not visible. Body types are not universal, and women who love themselves are not always under a size ten.

This is not to say that weight gain and excessive body fat are not an indication of poor health; in many cases sudden weight gain and poor diet are an exclusive indication that a person’s health is at risk. Without sounding as if I am attempting to validate myself publicly I think it’s important to mention that for those who know me I snack on a variety of healthy delights! I have a regular exercise routine and pride myself on how much water I drink. In addition, I take my vitamins daily, avoid excessive stress and try to get as much sleep as being single, beautiful and professional at 29 will allow me!

But for the superficial that isn’t enough. I must be smaller. In fact, to some, if I am not on my way to shedding some weight then to them, I’m not healthy.

WTF?

This isn’t a rant out of the diary of a “big girl”. I know we talk relationships on here. So to make it exclusive I thought I’d address some of the other women in our community who are treated as “second rate women” because of their appearances. Here are a few I can think of: “nappy headed girls” (those who have refused to buy into the euro-centric idea that straight hair is beautiful), “dark sistahs” (the beautifully black woman who are “cute” for a dark skinned sistah”, “the giant” those women who are “too tall” for brothas…. My point is that some (black singles) have an issue with realizing how many shades, shapes, and abilities women come in. I am not a man, so I can’t speak for the brothers although I believe they too get slighted. But to be specific, we all know these prejudices exist. We may not want to admit it, but some of us may have missed “the one” while we were assessing whether or not they matched standard perceptions of beauty!

I am in love with my mind, I adore my heart, and I cherish my body. These are the expectations I have for any eligible suitor. Sometimes I wonder if others are judging me. This is an honest admission. I have to be frank: I think my body is super sexy! I love being a woman. I love being a woman who wears a size 18! I think the fullness of my body matches the fullness of my spirit, my girth of knowledge and my exceptional ability to love. Many women who are not my size feel like having this type of love is a farce; that we secretly wish to look like them. This could not be further from the truth!

I will not lower my standards because of my appearance, I will not accept sub-standard treatment because of my appearance, I will not buy your love because of my appearance, I will not cower around other women because of my appearance, I will not accept your recommendations for bettering myself because of my appearance, I will not EVER resist loving who I am because of my appearance! I just won’t!

Disclaimer: I am not angry! I write this for all the women who do not fit “American Standards of Beauty” and want to shout from the rooftops: “I know I’m the SHIT!” Enjoy!

ms.b