Who's Responsible for the Commitment Phobe?

I know, it's like beating a dead horse....women want to get married...but men won't commit. I say this from time to time myself. I hear it said often by the women I know and love. But whose responsibility is it that this guy won't commit? Surely, if there isn't a guy who will commit, there is a woman that will commit herself to him. Sounds crazy right? However, don't you think it's funny how we (single gals) talk to each other endlessly about the guy who won't commit, yet he's in our lives?

There is enough information in the psychology field that shows us what some of the psychological reasons for commitment phobia are. We are well aware of those kind of things: childhood trauma, fear of abandonment, loss of parents, sexual or physical abuse. These folks aside, there are several men who have not had these experiences, and yet, fit all the characteristics of a commitment phobe, Why?

It's my thinking they do this because there are not enough women to stand on solid standards (non-material standards that is...and yes, this includes your education) and focus on requiring a man to demonstrate the strength of his character to you. Flimsy beginnings create flimsy relationships, and disastrous endings. Usually, though, it's only disastrous for one person: the woman.

I say women have to be vigilant about who they get involved with. Ask questions, provide opportunities for him to be himself, and show you who that self is. Don't fill in the gaps. If he isn't calling, don't call him. If he isn't providing you with the conversation you want, get off the phone. If the date shows a lack luster effort, don't continue going out with him.

I urge women to set standards for the men that they are dating. Not only to improve their dating experiences - but for the greater good of the group. Remember if we're not learning, we're teaching. If you are letting these guys have all the fun while you don't ask for a thing he'll be some other woman's problem when he's finished with you.

If I have anything to say about my exes it's that they are better men to the women they are with now, then they were with me. Rather than looking at that as a sore spot, I count it as a strong representation of my expectations while I was with them. If I or the man I'm seeing cannot grow in the relationship, well then, our time is only going to be devoted to fighting and fucking. Let's keep it real.

In order to be ready to love, you have to require respect, honor, and love. This is not to say you stomp your feet and demand. It's quite the contrary actually; quietly, and with dignity and respect, respectfully decline to be treated like anything less then the best!