Mourning The Egg...

I swear I felt sad today - for no apparent reason. I guess we're all allowed those days. But then I realized whyI was sad....I am mourning the loss of my eggs!! This is really to be lighthearted...before you get grossed out...just hear me out!

With every ovulation...we loose another opportunity. That's it. That's all. Gone. It doesn't suck being single because your sex life is unstable. Truthfully, as a single person with married friends, I know married life can be as sexually frustrating as single life, if not more! But I digress. When you ovulate and you know "okay I'm fertile" and then nothing happens....there's an emptiness there. The egg was ready, I am ready, and yet there is no sperm.

So much of our young lives is spent fantasizing about all the things we'll do when we "grow up". On my list was to have babies, lots of babies, and I really didn't think beyond that. For me, success meant family. I would know that I had officially made it when I conceived and gave birth to a child. Over the years, I have had many names for these "imaginary" children: Sascha, Savannah, Pheonix, Solomon, Isaac, Sarai, and a host of other "eggs" that got dropped off and never fertilized.

Is it selfish that I think about being a mom all the time? Is it selfish that I am like an animal on the prey looking for the right specimen to fertilize these eggs? Does it make sense that I have, for a long time, held off on doing soooo many things because "I'd like to start a family one day"? Depending on the day...yes or no.

So I got mad today. I got sad today. I felt a little awkward at the idea that another cycle has passed, and I've lost another egg. I don't care what the media says....30 isn't the new 20....just ask my ovaries!

ms.b