The Settlemate

No, it's not an ugly divorce proceeding; no it's not the contract on a new house; and no, it's not an agreement that two people make. It's the person we let into our lives because loneliness has set in and we don't want to keep sleeping in the bed alone.

I would be remiss if I acted like a settlemate has not creeped into my life....more than once. It's a quite interesting experience as far as I am concerned. The equation goes a little something like:

Loneliness Boredom Any Available Person (Man) = Settlemate.

Maybe I'm the only one...although I doubt it.

Today is a new day; I've decided that's enough settlemates for one lifetime. I made this decision not out of anger, but out of a true desire to love a man for who he is and not to have him in my life simply to fill a space. This is an extremely difficult decision for many women to make because it requires that we look reality in the face and not to let fear force into a decision that we will regret later. Sure, some settlemates have helped me curb the loneliness but there is nothing worse than looking up after several months have passed and realizing that the person who is now taking up more than half of your bed is not the person you want there in the morning. Can I get an Amen?

As tempting as it may seem, the settlemate isn't really a solution. He or She knows a couple of things about you that maybe you haven't even realized yet....lemme break down what they see:

1. You are lonely.
2. You have given up on the idea that you can have the love you want.
3. Somewhere, you lack courage.
4. You are not really that into them.
5. If the partner you really desired came along...you would dump them!

How do I know what a settlemate thinks? Because I've been one. I've known that a man has had me in his life to "fill space" and some of the ways I handled what I think should be appropriately called "using someone's love and time" is that I capitalized on his loneliness. That's right, I did it, I admit it. This is the danger of the settlemate: they know you're not that into them so they attempt to get whatever they want from you in "exchange" for what you are taking from them. This deal is not only problematic but can leave you questioning your sanity! So tell me...

Are you settling with someone now? Have you ever settled in the past to curb loneliness? How did the settlemate re-arrange your thoughts on love?