How many times have I dated, only to be stirring in the subsequent 24 hours with a mirage of questions: "Did he like me?"..."I wonder what he thought?"..."Did I talk too much?"
After reading Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man I decided to jump right out there and ask some of those hard questions of my date following what I would call: a luke warm connection. I thought, what better way to prove Steve Harvey right or wrong then to try it out. After all, I had absolutely nothing to loose.
My experiement, however, did not come without a bit of fear. I was totally worried that I would look "desperate" or "pushy" for asking my date to articulate what his thoughts were about our date.
I didn't wait for the "courtesy call" I went ahead and called him. This is how it went:
Me: Hey ____ ! How are you?
Him: Good! It's nice to hear from you?
Me: So I was calling to see what you thought about our date yesterday.
Him: Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot since then...you are a very beautiful woman.
Me: Thanks! So what were your thougths, what did you think of me?
Him: Hmmm....well...how should I say this? (awkward silence) I'm having a hard time saying this...let me get my thoughts together.
Me: Okay...(although very difficult...complete silence from me)
Him: You are an extremely beautiful woman. If I was younger, well, I would have no problem trying to see you. (translation: sleep with you) But, well, for what I want to do with myself right now....
Me: I don't understand, can you explain further?
Him: Well, you are so beautiful, you have great energy, I think you are very smart. I just think for where I am, well I don't think we would make a good match.
Me: Well, thank you! I really appreciate your honesty! You know, if you're ever in the area...don't hesistate to call. It would be nice to hang out some time!
Him: I will definately take you up on that!
Me: I really mean it, well, take care, have a wonderful week!
Him: Thanks, you too, and I really enjoyed meeting you.
All this time dating, I thought it was inappropiate to ask. And here, after this conversation I felt empowered! I realized, that all along, dating, has been difficult because I haven't asked for answers to the pressing questions I had. I have, throughout my twenties assumed that the man would know what I wanted to know, and further, tell me. Although this date according to both our accounts was not "love at first sight" I still wanted to know how it went. I wanted to know, in so many words, what it was like to experience a date with me. And yes, while he might not have felt a spark, my esteem, my hopes for meeting someone new and establishing a connection were somehow kept in tact.
Now that's a MAN.
I think women, especially black women, get a bad rep for seeming demanding or further sometimes even manipulative. I offer, if these stereotypes fit you, then clean it up some. Ask the questions you want to know the answers to! You have a right! Let the man feel like he has a voice in this and further, that just because you're both single you don't expect him to "bun you up!"
I have called since my "rejection" from said date and wished him well, inquired on how he was doing and how his "search" for a mate has been going. The best part of this rejection? I may not have found "the one" but I certainly gained a friend.
I never knew rejection could feel so good!
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